Late Dhirubai Ambani wants to know about his son Mukesh Ambani's business and enquired over telephone ; then the son Mukesh Ambani replies sorry Dad the lines are not clear try to my Airtel Number.May 31, 2007
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FUNNY JOKES |
Late Dhirubai Ambani wants to know about his son Mukesh Ambani's business and enquired over telephone ; then the son Mukesh Ambani replies sorry Dad the lines are not clear try to my Airtel Number.| [+/-] |
FRIENDSHIP SMS JOKES |
(1) If you need advice, text me... if you need a friend, call me ... if you need me, come to me... if you need money........ SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!
(2) A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway
(3) Friends are like a head of hair. You might lose some, but with enough cash you can buy them back.
(4) Without humor, life sucks. Without Love, Life seems hopeless. But without a friend like you, life is nearly impossible.
(5) Memories last forever, they simply never die, true friends stay together - they NEVER say good-bye.
May 28, 2007
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DECENT JOKES |
(1) KNOWING YOURSELF
Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
(2) WHO YOU TRUST
There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
(3) GRATEFUL
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
(4) WASTING YOUR TIME
Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
May 26, 2007
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SCIENCE JOKES |
(1) A statistician is an accountant without the charisma.
(2) A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
(3) Theory and practice are the same in theory. In practice they are different.
(4) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.
(5) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.
May 25, 2007
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JOKES TODAY |
Mistake
Description : sardar jee calls home (from the office)
"Begam main aaj nahin aaraha ... koi meri gari ka steering, dashboard, accelarator aur break paddles chura ker lay gaya hai"
thori dair baad .... phir phone kerta hai
"Begam main ghar aarha hoon. main ghulti say gari kee pichli seat per baith gaya tha´.
May 21, 2007
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JOKES TODAY |
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down! So what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.
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JOKES TODAY |
One week at camp this past summer, I and my friends decided to go down in CCA history at Forest Home. CCA's are volunteers that help out with the family camp kids. Anyways, we are treated like dirt by all of the staff, even the most of our counselors. So we decided to post-it note one of our counselor's car (one that we actually liked). We covered the entire car in yellow post-its, and it was very time consuming for our counselor to remove them the next morning. HAHA!
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If you are at a sleepover, grab some make-up and apply it like crazy. Make your face pale white, completely black, or other dark color. Add eye shadow to go on your eye-lid all the way to brow. Use bright red, black, or dark blue, lipstick and apply all over lips and beyond. Finally take RED blush and apply it in a perfect circle). You'll look like an insane clown!
Shake a person WHILE SLEEPING with the light on and they'll freak looking at your face! It is so funny! You'll scare the crap out of your friend!
If you are at a sleepover, grab some make-up and apply it like crazy. Make your face pale white, completely black, or other dark color. Add eye shadow to go on your eye-lid all the way to brow. Use bright red, black, or dark blue, lipstick and apply all over lips and beyond. Finally take RED blush and apply it in a perfect circle). You'll look like an insane clown!
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If you are at a sleepover, grab some make-up and apply it like crazy. Make your face pale white, completely black, or other dark color. Add eye shadow to go on your eye-lid all the way to brow. Use bright red, black, or dark blue, lipstick and apply all over lips and beyond. Finally take RED blush and apply it in a perfect circle). You'll look like an insane clown!
Shake a person WHILE SLEEPING with the light on and they'll freak looking at your face! It is so funny! You'll scare the crap out of your friend!
If you are at a sleepover, grab some make-up and apply it like crazy. Make your face pale white, completely black, or other dark color. Add eye shadow to go on your eye-lid all the way to brow. Use bright red, black, or dark blue, lipstick and apply all over lips and beyond. Finally take RED blush and apply it in a perfect circle). You'll look like an insane clown!
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Revenge Camp Pranks
We were staying in a college dorm for camp and we were already there for two days but couldn't sleep because the neighbors would pound on the walls all night so we got some fox pee and deer pee and went in there room and put some pee in their cologne and shampoo. We then came back that night and locked them in their room then sprayed pee under there door so they had a rude awakening in the morning. The next day we pooped in a trash can and set it outside so it baked, then hid it in their room.
Another prank we did to someone else was to put catfish bait in a glass of water soaking in the sun for a day. We then were able to spray the catfish juice on someone's radiator so when they would turn the heat or air conditioning on they would smell the sweat stench of catfish.
May 16, 2007
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JOKES TODAY |
An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.
The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye, and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live."
O'Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. O'Malley said, "Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer,
and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."
After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."
The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers.
After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad. I though you said that you were dying from cancer??? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"
O'Malley said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye, and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live."
O'Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. O'Malley said, "Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer,
and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."
After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."
The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers.
After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad. I though you said that you were dying from cancer??? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"
O'Malley said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
May 14, 2007
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KIDS JOKES |
KIDS JOKES:
Little Rodney, 4 years old, walked down the beach, and as he did, he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?"
"Yes." she replied.
"Do you read your Bible every day?"
She nodded her head, "Yes."
"Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes."
With that he asked his final question,"Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?"
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What's for Breakfast
A mother and father were frustrated with their two boys that had developed a foul mouth from being around kids at school. The Father told his wife, "I known what my father would do if I used words our sons are using. He would grab us up and whip us with a belt. I believe that is the only thing that will work with thees boys."
Being desparate, the mother said, "O.K., we will try that first thing Monday morning."
On Monday morning the first boy came down the stairs for breakfast. He sat down and the mother asked him what he wanted for breakfast.
The boy said, "I guess I want those "blinkety blank" cornflakes. Without saying a word the Father grabbed him and whipped him good with a belt.
The second boy had witnessed the event from the top of the stairs. The Father look up at him and said, "What do you want from breakfast."
The second boy said, "I don't know, but I sure don't want any of those "blinkety blank" cornflakes."
Little Rodney, 4 years old, walked down the beach, and as he did, he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?"
"Yes." she replied.
"Do you read your Bible every day?"
She nodded her head, "Yes."
"Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes."
With that he asked his final question,"Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?"
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What's for Breakfast
A mother and father were frustrated with their two boys that had developed a foul mouth from being around kids at school. The Father told his wife, "I known what my father would do if I used words our sons are using. He would grab us up and whip us with a belt. I believe that is the only thing that will work with thees boys."
Being desparate, the mother said, "O.K., we will try that first thing Monday morning."
On Monday morning the first boy came down the stairs for breakfast. He sat down and the mother asked him what he wanted for breakfast.
The boy said, "I guess I want those "blinkety blank" cornflakes. Without saying a word the Father grabbed him and whipped him good with a belt.
The second boy had witnessed the event from the top of the stairs. The Father look up at him and said, "What do you want from breakfast."
The second boy said, "I don't know, but I sure don't want any of those "blinkety blank" cornflakes."
May 7, 2007
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JOKES TODAY |
Mum, are the Smiths very poor people?
I don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask?
Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin
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I don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask?
Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!
A: To get to the other side!
May 6, 2007
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JOKES TODAY |
PHILOSOPHICAL JOKES:
A philosopher once had the following dream.
First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher's surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn't answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.
Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers' objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn't answer it and disappeared.
Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.
After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I'm asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I've found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will probably have forgotten it, and the world will really miss something!" With an iron effort, the philosopher forced himself to wake up, rush over to his desk, and write down his universal refutation. Then he jumped back into bed with a sigh of relief.
The next morning when he awoke, he went over to the desk to see what he had written. It was, "That's what you say."
First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher's surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn't answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.
Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers' objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn't answer it and disappeared.
Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.
After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I'm asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I've found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will probably have forgotten it, and the world will really miss something!" With an iron effort, the philosopher forced himself to wake up, rush over to his desk, and write down his universal refutation. Then he jumped back into bed with a sigh of relief.
The next morning when he awoke, he went over to the desk to see what he had written. It was, "That's what you say."
May 4, 2007
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JOKES TODAY |
JOKES 2 JOKES
Godzila
Your moma so fat when she got out of the house in a green shirt, people in japan started screaming "GODZILLA!!!!!!!"
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so ugly
you are so ugly every 1 is scared of you
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the boogy men
your mom is so ugly that she scare the boogy men out bisnist
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Two drunk guys
Two Drunk guys walk into a bar...you'd think they'd see it coming.
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via email
Yo Mama is so ugly she gets trick or treat via e-mail
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